First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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