He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
