this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
