Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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