Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
