You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
