Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
