pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
