We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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