I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize