he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
