dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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