What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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