just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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