Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize