His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
