I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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