I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
