im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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