Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
