and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
