i permit you to call me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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