u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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