this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
