I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
