I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
