Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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