PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
