Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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