You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole