i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?