i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.