sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."