Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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