she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
