apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.