I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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