I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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