Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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