I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!