so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.