Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?