Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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Do I have a choice?
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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