He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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