Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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