I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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