oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
