my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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