I just cut my nipple shaving
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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