Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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