I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
