when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
