Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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