I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You ate ashes out of my bong
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
