Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
