I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
