I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
