which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
