Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
