So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
