I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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