i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
