I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
