im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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