We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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