i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
