i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
