You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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