Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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