I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
