i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
